Friday, September 14, 2012

Suicide Threats

Ever known anyone who committed suicide?  I have.  It was very sad, and I wish they could have gotten help before taking their own life.  There was little to no warning, which is usually the problem.

Ever known someone who threatens to commit suicide?  The talking mask started doing this a few months before I left him.  He would threaten suicide after all of his other tricks failed, and when I notified his family and mother of this child (because he made a threat in front of his 8-year-old daughter) he then claimed that I was crazy, and that I "betrayed" and "blindsided" him.  I wasn't so worried that he would commit suicide, but I was seriously concerned that he was talking like this in front of his own child.

People who are truly suicidal don't usually talk about it.  They just do it. It makes it hard to catch them in time because they are serious and think it's their only way out.  They certainly don't make an announcement about it just to get attention.

I wondered what it meant that I wished he would commit suicide.  I don't wish it now after being divorced from him because I don't think about him that much at all.  He would have gotten all sorts of sympathy, but then people would have been heaping it onto me, and he couldn't have that.  So that's probably the main reason he never would have done himself in: the attention he thinks I would have gotten that he thought he was entitled to.  Can't have anyone stealing his thunder.

I'm guessing they also see the sympathy suicidal people get and want it for themselves when all their other methods for getting attention fail.  So I guess my point is this: someone who threatens suicide in front of you (and other people) is more than likely a manipulative bastard somewhere in the cluster B family.

Back away slowly and then RUN.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

From September 12, 2011

Previously posted on Stepchicks...

He Hates My Food, Unless He Wants To Give It To His Kid

I bake. I cook. I do it all from scratch, using quality ingredients and such. I'm always looking for new ideas and techniques and like to keep an open mind about cuisine.  He is the "no one does it better than mommy, even if her food tastes like shit, mommy's is always better" kind. I've had food his mother made, and it was awful. Objectively awful, not just my snobby opinion.

He criticizes me for everything.

My furniture, wardrobe, jewelry, hobbies, hairstyles (I straightened my hair once, and he told me I looked like a witch)...

My linens, accessories, kitchenware, appliances...

My food--he hates almost everything I make, but then he'll eat a lot of it, complain about it, and when I ask him why he ate something he didn't like, he says, "It was all there was." He had threatened for a long time to "separate everything and make separate meals," and I said OK. So I split up his dishes from mine because he complained if something of his had a smudge on it or wasn't microscopically clean coming from the dishwasher. It got so bad that he threw dishes into the sink because there was a crumb stuck to one of his mugs. I started having panic attacks about fucking dishes and had to forbid my children from unloading the dishwasher after that. He gets mad if someone eats something that he thinks is "his," but he won't label it, even when I've asked him to. So he bought two locks and keeps non-perishable food in his room, locked up in a heavy-duty container. This really pisses me off when we are almost out of food, and I have no money to buy more. Then I have to beg him to let the girls "borrow" some of his ramen noodles.

He makes fun of things I make and has walked into the kitchen, lifted the lid of something on the stove, and asked, "What's this shit?"

So does it make sense that after I made cinnamon rolls yesterday (a really great recipe from Gourmet magazine) that it pissed me off that he asked me this morning if he could offer one to his child? The child who is fed nothing but shit food and couldn't tell a homemade cinnamon roll from a stale Walmart one? She gets one of my cinnamon rolls that take 4 hours to make? Not one month ago, she had asked him if I would make her birthday cake, and he wouldn't let me, and also told me not to make any food for her?

He left 3 hours early to take her back to BM, and he said he was "annoyed." Which means he'll be a monster when he gets home and will probably threaten to have the electricity turned off (or the internet) unless I give him money (that I don't have) by the end of the day.

Fuck my life...

Friday, June 22, 2012

Email Exchange 11/5/2009

So things had gotten crappy between his ex and me--her blaming our marriage, our new house, and my children for making the child not do well in school.  Honestly, BM had not been doing homework or reading with the child, and the teacher spoke to her about it, but like most people with NPD, she couldn't accept the blame and had to shift it to someone else.  So I had no interaction with her for the most part.  He was getting his child for the Christmas break from 12/26 to 1/1, and she was with BM the week before.  Childcare had always been an issue, so I sent him the information about the winter camp from the place she normally attended.  I was on their mailing list because I had been a member even before I met him.
From me:
The [local daycare his child has gone to] has a program for the winter holiday. I'm guessing [his child] may go to the grandmother's house, and mom wouldn't dream of letting her stay here during the day.
But I thought I would send along the info anyway. It came in my [daycare]  newsletter.

His response:

[His child] is with me most of those days. I do not know what you are trying accomplish with the crappy attitude and snide remarks, but you are successfully pissing me off. When referencing [his child]'s mom to [his child] or I please apply the "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all" rule. Actually, I would appreciate it if you would extend that rule to conversations with the girls should you ever need to mention [his child]'s mom to them. I have noted your feelings regarding my ex and I will take them into account whenever possible.

My response (indignant as hell):
Excuse the hell out of me.
And I don't talk to the girls about her mother. They've mentioned things to me, and I've quickly changed the subject. And I have never said anything negative to her about her mother. I don't know what gave you that idea. I'm not a total cunt.
Rest assured: You won't hear another goddamned word.
His response:

I didn't think you did say anything, just mentioning it. You as well as I that people, children prehaps more than adults, will pick up on attitudes. So thinking it is probably close to as bad as saying it.

I need you to work on improving your attitude toward her. I need that for me and I need it for [his child]. It is hard enough for me to keep the minimal positive attitude I have managed to generate. Harder still when you are negative. As far as writing (and to a lesser extent the thinking)...consider that anything negative may be held against me when I try get joint physical custody.

Thought crimes.  Gotta watch out for those.  He had told me on several occasions that I must keep a positive attitude toward his ex so that he could too.  He could refer to her as "a fat tub of shit," but I couldn't mention anything or ask any questions about her behavior, particularly towards me.  It's funny that he backtracked after I got irate.




Thursday, June 21, 2012

Is It Supposed To Itch?

He sent me an email a few months back telling me he had a physical and was tested for STDs.  He said he would let me know his results, which he never did, so I emailed him finally.  I think he was trying to prove that I had been cheating on him, otherwise why in the world I leave him?  He's such a catch!  I must have been screwing around on him.  That must have been why I never wanted to have sex with him, and why I cringed any time he came near me, which was usually to grope me in some way, even though I told him not to.  No means no, dickwad.

From me:

You never got back to me about your other STD checks. I assumed they were normal because you would have been legally required to notify me (and whomever you would have caught them from). I meant to ask about this sooner, but I completely forgot.

His reply:

I have had sex with no one but you since december 09, was it? So I assume they are negative, but I have not actually heard yet. Please don't quote what you think teh law says at me.

Actually it should have been January 2009, but what difference does almost a whole year make?  In another email he said it was theoretically possible that I could have had something before we met and infected him with it, which could explain why he would test positive for anything.

Fortunately I got myself checked and was fine.  I wondered if he had cheated on me, but I realized that he's not the suave charmer that he thinks he is.  And in his case, the only women he was ever able to schmooze into sleeping with him were obese.  Chubby chaser.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Emails To Mom 3/4/2011

This one was written 5 days after I had gotten out of the hospital (after being in for a week because of a broken back following back surgery 3 weeks before).  He had been an utter asshole to me and tried to have a discussion with me about divorce when I was in pain and loaded up on meds.  I couldn't get to the toilet in time to keep from pissing myself, but he wanted to have the divorce talk.  What a fucking sweetheart.

Hey Folks,

A quick update.  [Sweetness] has had a set back which put her back into the hospital two Sundays ago. They really could not see anything wrong with the various imaging techniques they used (there is just too much metal in her back) and basically ended up keeping her a week for observation and pain managment before finally sending her home last Sunday with some painkillers and some other meds. They will evaluate her in a week or so and see if she getting better, which would really mean is in less pain. If not, I guess the next move will get plotted out then.

Perhpas more important…she and I are in a difficult point in our relationship and I expect that I will be divorced again at some point in 2011. Nothing is definite yet and I do hold out some hope we can work through it, but I am not optimistic. I am doing well however, so do not worry. I am in good spirits and generally in good shape. The split, if it comes, should be fairly amicable. I just wanted to let you know what was going on.

As I am sure you have marked on your calendar [Sweetness]’s birthday is April 1st I wanted to make a suggestion. At the risk of being impolite…if you were planning on sending [Sweetness] something recognizing her birthday I would suggest that a card would be sufficient.

I will keep you updated, but feel free to call if you have any questions or want to catch up.

Isn't he a dear?  Already thinking about my birthday a month away.  She had sent me a check for $100 the year before.  I guess he couldn't stand the idea of his parents giving me anything.  It might mean they liked me more or something.

His mother responded with this the following day:

I was glad to hear from you. Hope that [Sweetness] is feeling better and that she is getting relief from the pain. I thought when I was there that she was doing pretty well.

I was sorry to hear that you and [Sweetness] are having problems, but I was not surprised. I gathered from the comments about meals that I heard from each of you (preparing your own food) and other things that I observed, that things were not good. I will abide by your suggestion as far as the birthday goes.

How is [his kid]? I wondered what you worked out for last weekend when she would have been with you. I guess there isn't much else to say right now, but know that we are thinking of you and wish the best for you, whatever, that may be. Wish we were closer so that we could give more support.

It got up to 63 today but is windy and cloudy and we are expecting quite a bit of rain. It will make the flowers grow, but who has planted any. Take care. Mom

Yeah, it was her presence that kept me in good shape.  Once she left though, I went downhill.  She's so powerful.  The woman normally writes entire paragraphs about the weather.  She should be a weather-girl.  She had been at our house not long after my surgery to help out with his kid since I wouldn't be able to.  She would stand in the kitchen and just stare.  She talked about how "fancy" everything was, you know, like the insulated carafe to put hot liquids in.  She complained about everyone she knew, never even saying a kind word about her own daughter.  Despicable old crone.

He responded with this an hour later:

It is warm here came too early. We had an 80 degree day two weeks ago and so I clipped my hair. Today is a little rainy.  [Sweetness] was doing very good while you were here and then out of nowhere the pain came on. She does seem to be getting more comfortable, for which we are grateful. I have never seen a person in as much pain as she was in the first days at the hospital. It was troubling, humbling, and inspiring at the same time. I suspect at the follow up the doctor will simply prescribe more drugs (less strong) and say come back in a few weeks. As long as she seems to be improving I think it is hard to justify doing much else.

 [His kid] is good I have not told her anything since there really isn't anything to tell. This weekend will probably be a little tense...or awkward, but it should not be too bad. I worked a short schedule and handled the pickups and drop offs last weekend, which is what I will do this week/weekend as well. I remember an attorney I met socially with whom I talked about divorce and visitation. He said that he beleived he had more one on one time with his daughter post-divorce than most married fathers had with their children. And think that is probably true in my case as well. I figure that has too be a good thing. Things are tense between the girls and I which is expected and which I suspect will get return to a more normal state in time.

 [Sweetness] and I have agreed at this point to try to work through things. That she agreed suprised me. Pleasantly, but still a suprise. Nevertheless, I am not yet sure what odds I would give us. We are both pretty set in our ways at these points in our lives...that is where things like the meals differences come to the forefront. Plus, having done it before, we both know divorce is not the end of the world so that the incentive to work really hard to avoid it is missing.

I agreed to nothing really because I wasn't aware that he had already announced that we were getting divorced.  I had nowhere to go and could barely walk.  Notice how he speaks for me?  That I have no incentive to work really hard?  That's all I had done was work my ass off to get along and to have a decent marriage.  I had given up on "good" already. 

So in between the time he wrote the first email, he decided that he didn't like being alone upstairs (I was down in the family room out of the way).  He was so upset that everyone was ignoring him and acting like he was "a bad guy."  Then he started getting nice.  The same cycle that would repeat itself many times over the next year.  What a fucking turd.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Email Threats 2/28/2010

He would frequently tell me he was having the internet disconnected.  I was isolated from much of anything, and it was my lifeline.  We didn't have cable, and there was no real entertainment in our house.  We couldn't go to movies, and I couldn't go to lunch with friends or anything.  I started paying him for the internet service, which seemed to work out ok, but if he didn't get the money exactly when he wanted it, he would start with the threats.  I was supposed to be getting $600 per month in child support (FOR THREE CHILDREN) but this was sporadic at best.  We got an income tax refund, and I used what he considered "my share" to pay for internet service for a few months.  The money his mother gave me as a Christmas gift was also used for the same thing.  Yet he still complained.  He wrote me this email:
I have the AT&T bill - 42.95 for February. It is due March 19th. I need the 30.00 from you this week or I will cancel the service. You could check into the comcast offer as an alternative. My experience with their offers has equipment rental charge they do mention in the ad and a several year comittment after the introductory period, which makes the offer equal to DSL. If the comcast offer makes sense go ahead and do it in your name and I will pay in 15.00 a month for my share.

 I know you live on the internet and consider it a basic necessity, but there is next to nothing discretionary in our budget and internet is one of the few areas where I see I can reduce cash out.

What's funny is that a few weeks later, he was hell-bent on taking a vacation.  I was against it, but I had no say really.  We ended up going to Atlanta for a long weekend, spending at least $1000. 

Then July rolls around.  The day before our first anniversary, he called me from work and told me he had the internet disconnected.  Didn't tell me before he left or the day before.  He claimed I hadn't paid him for it, which I had, and then he started in on how I could be paying for other bills if I had the $30 to pay for the internet service.

I ended up having to order service myself, and I got a digital cable package for our anniversary the next day.  It worked out well that I happened to have some money at the time. When I showed the material to him, he got mad and said, "I hate cable."

He frequently complained that we never did anything together, but he claimed to want to watch movies with me.  Almost never happened.  He would pull this crap with Netflix too.  It was $20 a month, and you would have thought I was spending the family budget on hookers and blow.  I think the fact that it was something that the girls and I enjoyed, and it was in my name (and therefore out of his control) made him livid.  Cancelling the internet meant that the streaming for Netflix was not possible, so I would have lost the money I had already paid in that month for the service.

But he started shopping for a kayak and had a motorcycle sitting in storage--that he never drove--and continued to pay insurance on it.  Three years of premiums while it sits in storage at his friend's house. 

At least he was saving a ton of money on gas for it!  Brilliant.