So things had gotten crappy between his ex and me--her blaming our marriage, our new house, and my children for making the child not do well in school. Honestly, BM had not been doing homework or reading with the child, and the teacher spoke to her about it, but like most people with NPD, she couldn't accept the blame and had to shift it to someone else. So I had no interaction with her for the most part. He was getting his child for the Christmas break from 12/26 to 1/1, and she was with BM the week before. Childcare had always been an issue, so I sent him the information about the winter camp from the place she normally attended. I was on their mailing list because I had been a member even before I met him.
The [local daycare his child has gone to] has a program for the winter holiday. I'm guessing [his child] may go to the grandmother's house, and mom wouldn't dream of letting her stay here during the day.
But I thought I would send along the info anyway. It came in my [daycare] newsletter.
[His child] is with me most of those days. I do not know what you are trying accomplish with the crappy attitude and snide remarks, but you are successfully pissing me off. When referencing [his child]'s mom to [his child] or I please apply the "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all" rule. Actually, I would appreciate it if you would extend that rule to conversations with the girls should you ever need to mention [his child]'s mom to them. I have noted your feelings regarding my ex and I will take them into account whenever possible.
My response (indignant as hell):
Excuse the hell out of me.
And I don't talk to the girls about her mother. They've mentioned things to me, and I've quickly changed the subject. And I have never said anything negative to her about her mother. I don't know what gave you that idea. I'm not a total cunt.
Rest assured: You won't hear another goddamned word.
I didn't think you did say anything, just mentioning it. You as well as I that people, children prehaps more than adults, will pick up on attitudes. So thinking it is probably close to as bad as saying it.
Thought crimes. Gotta watch out for those. He had told me on several occasions that I must keep a positive attitude toward his ex so that he could too. He could refer to her as "a fat tub of shit," but I couldn't mention anything or ask any questions about her behavior, particularly towards me. It's funny that he backtracked after I got irate.