Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Emails To Mom 3/4/2011

This one was written 5 days after I had gotten out of the hospital (after being in for a week because of a broken back following back surgery 3 weeks before).  He had been an utter asshole to me and tried to have a discussion with me about divorce when I was in pain and loaded up on meds.  I couldn't get to the toilet in time to keep from pissing myself, but he wanted to have the divorce talk.  What a fucking sweetheart.


Hey Folks,

A quick update.  [Sweetness] has had a set back which put her back into the hospital two Sundays ago. They really could not see anything wrong with the various imaging techniques they used (there is just too much metal in her back) and basically ended up keeping her a week for observation and pain managment before finally sending her home last Sunday with some painkillers and some other meds. They will evaluate her in a week or so and see if she getting better, which would really mean is in less pain. If not, I guess the next move will get plotted out then.

Perhpas more important…she and I are in a difficult point in our relationship and I expect that I will be divorced again at some point in 2011. Nothing is definite yet and I do hold out some hope we can work through it, but I am not optimistic. I am doing well however, so do not worry. I am in good spirits and generally in good shape. The split, if it comes, should be fairly amicable. I just wanted to let you know what was going on.

As I am sure you have marked on your calendar [Sweetness]’s birthday is April 1st I wanted to make a suggestion. At the risk of being impolite…if you were planning on sending [Sweetness] something recognizing her birthday I would suggest that a card would be sufficient.

I will keep you updated, but feel free to call if you have any questions or want to catch up.

Isn't he a dear?  Already thinking about my birthday a month away.  She had sent me a check for $100 the year before.  I guess he couldn't stand the idea of his parents giving me anything.  It might mean they liked me more or something.

His mother responded with this the following day:

I was glad to hear from you. Hope that [Sweetness] is feeling better and that she is getting relief from the pain. I thought when I was there that she was doing pretty well.


I was sorry to hear that you and [Sweetness] are having problems, but I was not surprised. I gathered from the comments about meals that I heard from each of you (preparing your own food) and other things that I observed, that things were not good. I will abide by your suggestion as far as the birthday goes.


How is [his kid]? I wondered what you worked out for last weekend when she would have been with you. I guess there isn't much else to say right now, but know that we are thinking of you and wish the best for you, whatever, that may be. Wish we were closer so that we could give more support.


It got up to 63 today but is windy and cloudy and we are expecting quite a bit of rain. It will make the flowers grow, but who has planted any. Take care. Mom


Yeah, it was her presence that kept me in good shape.  Once she left though, I went downhill.  She's so powerful.  The woman normally writes entire paragraphs about the weather.  She should be a weather-girl.  She had been at our house not long after my surgery to help out with his kid since I wouldn't be able to.  She would stand in the kitchen and just stare.  She talked about how "fancy" everything was, you know, like the insulated carafe to put hot liquids in.  She complained about everyone she knew, never even saying a kind word about her own daughter.  Despicable old crone.


He responded with this an hour later:


It is warm here now...you came too early. We had an 80 degree day two weeks ago and so I clipped my hair. Today is a little rainy.  [Sweetness] was doing very good while you were here and then out of nowhere the pain came on. She does seem to be getting more comfortable, for which we are grateful. I have never seen a person in as much pain as she was in the first days at the hospital. It was troubling, humbling, and inspiring at the same time. I suspect at the follow up the doctor will simply prescribe more drugs (less strong) and say come back in a few weeks. As long as she seems to be improving I think it is hard to justify doing much else.

 [His kid] is good I have not told her anything since there really isn't anything to tell. This weekend will probably be a little tense...or awkward, but it should not be too bad. I worked a short schedule and handled the pickups and drop offs last weekend, which is what I will do this week/weekend as well. I remember an attorney I met socially with whom I talked about divorce and visitation. He said that he beleived he had more one on one time with his daughter post-divorce than most married fathers had with their children. And think that is probably true in my case as well. I figure that has too be a good thing. Things are tense between the girls and I which is expected and which I suspect will get return to a more normal state in time.

 [Sweetness] and I have agreed at this point to try to work through things. That she agreed suprised me. Pleasantly, but still a suprise. Nevertheless, I am not yet sure what odds I would give us. We are both pretty set in our ways at these points in our lives...that is where things like the meals differences come to the forefront. Plus, having done it before, we both know divorce is not the end of the world so that the incentive to work really hard to avoid it is missing.



I agreed to nothing really because I wasn't aware that he had already announced that we were getting divorced.  I had nowhere to go and could barely walk.  Notice how he speaks for me?  That I have no incentive to work really hard?  That's all I had done was work my ass off to get along and to have a decent marriage.  I had given up on "good" already. 

So in between the time he wrote the first email, he decided that he didn't like being alone upstairs (I was down in the family room out of the way).  He was so upset that everyone was ignoring him and acting like he was "a bad guy."  Then he started getting nice.  The same cycle that would repeat itself many times over the next year.  What a fucking turd.

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